Day 18, Monday: Stuck

Some people learn from their mistakes. Typically, I repeat mine until the external world adapts to me. So, like every single Monday prior, I press the snooze button exactly eleven times, leaving me just enough time to shower, put on the pretty, and zip off to work, getting me in the door and ready to work four minutes late (which is on time for me. One hates to appear too eager.) As usual, I’ve begun my week without the most important meal of the day. I’ve brought my lunch, though, so the day isn’t all bad. Red beans and rice hold me over until I get home.

Today, my mind is not on food, but on a far more important topic, stickers. I love stickers. I always have. My parents, having themselves forgotten the joys of adhesive images, believed stickers to be a waste of money and rarely, if ever, bought them for us children. This inflated the value of stickers in my young mind, and caused me much emotional turmoil. The free-spirited child wanted to beautify my surroundings, adorning the world with pasted puppies and scratch-and-sniff flowers. The practical child knew that as soon as I stuck them to something, they would be gone, so I would keep them on the sheet, adhesive intact for as long as possible.

Alphabet stickers created a unique predicament. You’ve decked out your Trapper Keeper, Caboodle, and boom-box with your name, but now you’re out of “e” or “a” or “s,” or whatever letter your name’s got too many of. Shit. You had to promise to get all A’s in Social Studies to get these, and Mom and Dad sure as hell aren’t going to run out to Michael’s and buy you another sheet, since you haven’t done your homework for three weeks. So you get creative, and start spelling things differently. "Andrew" becomes "andRu" and "Jennifer" is now spelling her name "Jemifer."

I’m hoping this is what happened to some stores around town. Krispy Kreme was supposed to be Crispy Cream, but they ran out of “C’s.” And I guess that’s okay, since, from what I remember, it hasn’t affected the taste. But I’m sure as heeeeel not getting my hair done at Klassi Klips. If you can’t afford to more stickers, there’s probably a reason, and I’m assuming it’s the lack of repeat customers. Oh, and by the way, replacing the “Y” with an “I,” NOT CUTE! I hope they ran out of stickers at the sign store, Klassi Klips. I hope it didn’t go down with you squealing “Klassi Klips is the Cuuuuuuutttest salon name!” in a high pitched voice (not unlike my own), quite literally enchanted by how much Cuter your sign would be than that of your neighbor’s hideously misnamed shop, Classy Clips. I'll go ahead and assume it was a sticker problem, because you can't seriously think thats a good name.

So, anyways, I got some Miley Cyrus stickers, and I can’t figure out where to put them.

Red Beans and rice at dinner, with second helpings. Two blackberries for dessert. I realize I should have physically gone into Burger King to get Adam’s food yesterday. Not only is the drive through bad for the environment, I could have jacked some condiments.